the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
