i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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