How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
