I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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