All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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