please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
