I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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