It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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