So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Randomize
