How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
