I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
P.S. I can't hear my feet
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Randomize
