I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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