i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
