Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
