I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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