do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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