i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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