he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
