woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
