just tell him i said nine months
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
