im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
