At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
