So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
