The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
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Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
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And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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