operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
