i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
everyone is single if you try hard enough
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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