I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Fuck appropriateness.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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