you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
