capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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