Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
