i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
