I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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