I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
