I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
