Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
home. puking in laundry basket.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
