the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
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