So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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