...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
