ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
