i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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