Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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