You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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