I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
false alarm. still invincible.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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