you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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