hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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