I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
My feet surprised me
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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