I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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