I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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