isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
