You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i love accidental penises.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
