i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
