You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
