After last night, I could never be a politician.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
