lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
