I'm going to jail i love you
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
