May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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