I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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