Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
