Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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