we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
