Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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