Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Houston, we have a squirter
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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