apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Sober January is a disaster.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
