he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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