I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
