You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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