i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
