i just had sex bonerless
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
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