he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
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I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
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I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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