I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
