ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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