He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
