He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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